Fact, not Fiction

In spite of a graduate level corporate finance class, I’m still retaining bits and pieces of my mind. Not many and it’s taking me more time to get them firing than in the past, but thankfully I sense that there is still cognitive functioning taking place.


Recently I have come to some proven facts and conclusions. Just the other night I was able to verify that there is a difference between malt and a shake. I always thought that it was true, but after having a shake last night, as opposed to malt, I can say yes.

Malts are made with the same basic ingredients as a shake, but it is the addition of malt powder that makes them what they are. Malt powder is a creation of it’s own which was developed by Horliks, of Chicago (yes, my city of origin, which is also home to Bozo the Clown, Garfield Goose and other cultural icons), in the 1920’s. Its original intent was to influence young children to drink more milk!

Here is another fact that I have been able to verify, the best way to play “Knockin’ on Heavens Door” is on a Fender Telecaster. No argument, no reservation, no hesitation, and as Tex Earnhardt, a Phoenix cultural icon of the past used to say, “No Bull”. Why someone like Avril Lavigne (I have no idea who she is) would try to do a version of this song is beyond me.

Another morsel, Orange Julius’ does still exist! This was another creation of the 1920’s, from California. However, the modern version of the drink is sans raw egg….because consuming raw eggs may lead to sickness, insanity, or compulsive laundry washing.

I do have a lot of food facts, I’ve made a living from food my entire life, except for a brief period in the ‘80’s when I sorted peridot. Lobsters do not scream when you put them in a pot, I know, I’ve done it to hundreds of them. KFC doesn’t raise special chickens with no feet or beaks – where in the world did that one come from? Blue food is very unpopular, check it out, when was the last time you ate something blue?

Strawberries are nearly impossible to cut when they have been frozen inside Baked Alaska, and it will embarrass the Maître d, who will then throw a knife at you. If you’re almost all the way home the night before Thanksgiving, and suddenly remember that you forgot to cook off all of the pumpkin pies for the next day, you better grab a six, or twelve pack, head back to work and start baking. Chances are you’ll meet the AM Sous Chef on his way in as you are on your way out.

This one is a classic that I proved myself. Riding lawnmowers will bounce at least twice off the freeway. I forgot that I did have a short lived landscaping career after graduating from high school.

Once I finish this finance class I’m starting the book….stay tuned.